Kohl's Parodies Rebecca Black

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Wisconsin Is Open for Beer

Minnesota's two-week-old state government shutdown got real yesterday when MillerCoors was ordered to stop selling beer because of expired licenses.

Can you imagine the mayhem if that happened here? It’d make the Riverwest mobs look like playtime.

Still, as neighbors, I feel that Wisconsin is obliged to help our beer-besieged brothers to the west. We just have to tweak our message a bit:

Is That a Gun in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Excited to Carry One?

The more-guns-makes-us-safer crowd can now sleep soundly (with a .45 under their pillow, no doubt) after securing passage of Wisconsin's new concealed-carry law.

But having come from Minnesota—which passed a similar law several years ago—I can tell you from experience that concealed weapons have a negligible effect on violent crime. The only tangible thing our legislature accomplished is that now we can look forward to seeing these on the doors of most Wisconsin businesses:

That, and an endless pissing match over whether guns should be allowed in places such as churches, schools and daycare centers.

I can only hope that our gun-loving brethren will respect differences of opinion on the matter... if Snoopy can learn to respect signs, they can too.

Deep-Fried Kool-Aid? Oh Yeah!

With deep fried-cream cheese, deep-fried apple pie and deep-fried bacon-wrapped hot dogs, you might think the Wisconsin State Fair is a pioneer in frying the shit out of already-fattening foods.

Not so. Our gluttonous fatties can't hold a candle to SoCal's "Chicken" Charlie Boghosian.

Chicken Charlie—the man who claims to have invented the deep-fried Oreo—is truly a visionary in the art of clogging arteries. And this year he ups the ante in a big way with deep-fried Kool-Aid balls.

That's right—fried Kool-Aid. Here's how it's done:

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.